Leading With Emotional Intelligence in a Virtual World
Author: Sara Delgado, PhD
“If you do not take the time to shape your organization’s climate now, even virtually, it will shape itself for you and will spill over into the face-to-face environment long term.”
The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent quarantine that global citizens faced this year have evoked a variety of strong emotions. Even during typical times, leaders need to be in tune with the emotional temperature of their organization and adjust their practice accordingly. That is never an easy task, and even more difficult now in quarantine when emotions are in overdrive and the contact that we have with our teams is completely virtual.
In her book, Braving the Wilderness, Brené Brown discussed the importance of human connection for emotional and organizational health. She stated that humans are wired for connection, that it is essential for emotional vulnerability and growth to occur in organizations. She also discussed that the more you are willing to seek out moments of collective joy and show up for experiences of collective pain - in person, not online - the more difficult it becomes to deny our human connection, even with people with whom we may disagree. This intentional act of seeking out human connection can lead to stronger emotional health in teams and organizations. How does a leader reconcile this proven need for face to face human connection, however, at a time when all meetings and interactions are forced into the virtual realm?
One mistake that some leaders are making is to chalk this situation up to a temporary problem and ignore that facet of leadership altogether. Since human connection is difficult at this unprecedented time, many leaders have decided to put in on the back burner, to focus on more managerial tasks that are easier to accomplish virtually. Organizational leaders that I have spoken to recently have stated that they are busier now than they have ever been throughout their careers. Since much communication that could be done in person previously is now being done via email, their inboxes and calendars are full, while their emotional bank accounts are depleting. Leaders are also trying to balance maintaining healthy connections at work while themselves processing the global pandemic that has completely taken over the media and our news feeds.
Choosing to ignore their team’s emotional needs at this unstable time is a detrimental mistake for leaders. In fact, in Brené Brown’s podcast Unlocking Us, Marc Brackett, the director of the Center of Emotional Intelligence at Yale University stated that he has never met a truly transformational leader that did not have a deep understanding of their own emotional landscape and the emotional landscape of other people. Transformational leadership is defined as leadership that causes change in individuals and organizations. This quality of seeking true connection is one that is cited in the literature as important in successful organizational leadership, but now, during a global pandemic, it is imperative. The leaders who are experiencing the most success are those who are intentionally seeking out ways to connect emotionally with their teams such as the following:
Check-in With Your Team’s Emotional State
Leaders who are focused on their team’s emotional landscape plan their meetings internationally and with care. One way to do that is to start a virtual meeting with a check-in. Some examples of check-ins are a question with either a personal or a professional focus; such as, what was your most rewarding and your most frustrating moment this week? Another option is to use a thinking routine; such as, summarize your weekend with a headline or a two-word phrase. I recently participated in a webinar in which the presenter asked us all to identify how we were feeling with one word in the chat bar at the start of the session. Then, he asked us to define one strategy we were going to use to get through the meeting. We wrote it down for ourselves as a reminder. That leader recognized that we were all coming to this meeting in different places emotionally, naming that emotion explicitly, and then identifying a strategy to either accept it or push through it was helpful at the start of the meeting.
In addition to providing a space for their teams to check-in, leaders should also pay attention to their team’s emotional health. During the check-in, or throughout a virtual meeting, if you notice one of your team members is not connecting, seems apathetic, or upset, reach out to that team member individually afterward. This can be through a phone call, facetime, or even a text. Taking the time to recognize who on your team might need a little more attention or TLC is a great way to be emotionally connected and value your team members' individual experiences through the pandemic.
Check-in With Your Own Emotional State
In addition to providing check-ins for their teams, leaders should also pay attention to their own emotional health. In his book, Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett recommended managing your own self-talk as one way to stay in tune emotionally. Reminding yourself that bad feelings or anxiety aren’t permanent through self-talk is one way to keep your thoughts positive and in check. He also recommended using self-talk to give advice to someone else who might be going through a similar situation, then challenging yourself to apply your advice to your own life. Emotional check-ins are just as important for leaders to perform for themselves as they are for their teams. As a leader, you directly impact the emotional state of your organization, so not only do you owe it to yourself, but you owe it to your colleagues, friends, and family.
Maintain Continuity With Your in Person Practices
One mistake leaders are making in this virtual environment is changing their practices to accommodate the temporary situation we are all in. So many things are out of our control as a society right now, therefore, changing well-established routines within your organization only serves to cause more stress and uncertainty for your team. Leaders should strive to implement similar practices to what they would do in person, but virtually. Think about your virtual meetings as if they were live. Include interactive discussions, either verbally or through the chat bar, integrate thinking routines, or break up into small groups when appropriate. Above all, avoid statements such as, “Since we’re virtual, we will skip over this topic and discuss when we are in person,” unless your goal is to show your team that you don’t truly value that item on the agenda.
I recently attended a virtual meeting that was extremely inspiring. I was drawn to twitter to share many of the presenter’s statements with the world. In fact, it made me pause and even took my breath away at times. That was when I realized that virtual learning CAN be inspiring. But, it has to be intentional and planned, just like in-person meetings are. If your in-person meetings are uninspiring and dull, most likely your virtual ones will be as well.
The reality is, even virtually, it still falls on leaders to maintain emotional balance within their organizations. And while leaders may feel overwhelmed, or as if they have too much on their plates to worry about organizational culture, Marc Brackett reminds us that, an organization’s culture IS the plate. Organizational culture, loosely defined as an organization’s values, norms, and systems, grounds a team when all else is overwhelming and spinning out of control. Neglecting it will not only be detrimental to your team currently, but could be catastrophic when you return to in-person meetings, classes, and conferences in the future. If you do not take the time to shape your organization’s climate now, even virtually, it will shape itself for you and will spill over into the face-to-face environment long term. While we do have to be physically distant from our teams currently, we do not have to be emotionally distant. Now is the time to step forward and lead from the wilderness. When people are filled with anxiety and are emotionally unsure, they need examples of strong leaders with wild hearts. Now is not the time to say, “If this meeting, course, or discussion wasn’t virtual, I would handle it differently; I would have that difficult conversation.” If it is easy to find an excuse to avoid those topics now, it always will be.
Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston. Her Book ¨Braving the Wilderness¨ was published in 2017 and is based on her research about The Theory of True Belonging. She also is the host of ¨Unlocking Us¨, a podcast that featured Dr. Marc Brackett discussing the impact of Emotional Intelligence.
Marc Brackett, PhD, is a research psychologist and the Founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and Professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is the author of the book ¨Permission to Feel.¨
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