Thank You For Listening
Author: Sara Delgado, PhD
“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers. ”
After meetings, learning sessions, or team discussions, leaders often wonder what they could have done differently, done better. Strong leaders are in a constant state of reflection about their practice. The need for reflection has heightened during the pandemic since most meetings are now virtual. Leading teams virtually is a new reality for many, and it brings its own challenges and roadblocks. The natural back and forth of conversation during in person meetings is more difficult and often awkward in the virtual realm. One quality of leadership, however, that should be maintained across in person and virtual settings is active listening. Listening with the intent to understand, not with the intent to respond.
When I underwent training for Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People over 10 years ago, I quickly identified Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood as my greatest area of growth. It is still a work in progress daily. I find I often enter a conversation with intent of conveying my point, completely ignoring the even greater responsibility as a leader, to understand others’ points of view. Many leaders fall into the same trap. We spend years of our lives learning to read and write. We spend years learning to speak. But, how much time do we invest in learning to listen? Active, invested listening is a truly underdeveloped skill, which can cause a breakdown in teams, families, and relationships.
One of the first steps leaders should take is to recognize that active listening is an area of growth for most. Name it and then work to prioritize listening in all of your team meetings and discussions. This year, due to shifting roles, I have had the great fortune of collaborating with a variety of new teams. Throughout the transition, I have been pleasantly surprised at how many of my colleagues have reached out and said things like: “Thank you for listening. I feel truly heard in our meetings. Thank you for giving us a space to share.” Since this habit has always been my greatest area of growth, I could not have received a better demonstration of gratitude from my new team members. This environment has been created, however, intentionally and not without stumbling blocks. Since our meetings are all virtual, muting myself until I am truly ready to respond has been a game changer for active listening in my leadership practice.
As Fred Rogers stated, in times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers. I encourage all leaders to take time to reflect on your own meeting spaces. Are they safe spaces where all are invited and encouraged to share? Do you truly listen with the intent to understand others’ perspective, not just to respond with your own? Do you ask follow up questions to push your team’s thinking and encourage growth? For most of us, the answers to these questions will not be “yes” all of the time, but intentionality about asking the right questions and providing space for the answers will allow your teams an opportunity to feel heard, and in turn valued.
Sara Delgado is an educator with experience as a classroom teacher, elementary school principal, and Y5s-12 virtual learning coordinator. Currently, she provides professional learning and coaching for teachers and principals with Edspire Leadership, LLC.