Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.
Author: Sara Delgado, PhD
“When we commit ourselves to strengthening our backs while softening our front, it will help forge the pathway to embracing the wild side of our hearts without fear or shame.”
Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart. This is a mantra that Brené Brown cites often. When I think about how each of these principles embodies themselves in my life, I can quickly identify where my strengths lie. I can also see my areas of growth.
The focus of many people’s personal development is working on having a strong back, on standing up for their beliefs, for what they perceive to be right. For me, that has never been where my weakness lies. Standing up for my beliefs, defending those around me, and not being afraid of conflict have always come naturally to me. Soft front, however, is where I crumble.
Throughout life, I prided myself on the fact that I didn’t cry often, almost never, actually. I announced all the time that I was a self-proclaimed emotional robot. I’m not quite sure when in my life I decided that was something to be celebrated, but I had. I grew up surrounded by strong women. My grandmother had told me many times that I would have to work harder and be stronger than men to prove myself in this world. When I was working for her at her movie theatre growing up, I recall a time that I came in to work upset about something that had happened with a boy. I had tear-stained eyes. She told me to go home and collect myself and come back when I was presentable. So, I did. I know that she was trying to help build a strong woman who would be respected in the workplace like she was. Over the years she told me stories about how she used judo to flip my grandpa onto the bed when he disrespected her, taught me how to put my keys between my fingers to stab someone with them if I was ever approached alone after dark, and sent me into private rooms to collect myself should any bit of weakness appear, such as a tear. I love her for that. I got through some very difficult times in my life due to her influence.
The unintended message in those lessons, however, was that vulnerability should be hidden. I was never informed that there were situations that DID warrant tears. That no one would judge me for not always being the strongest one in the room. In fact, people may even see me as more human. Trust me more. As I reflected on the three-pronged mantra: strong back, soft front, wild heart, it became obvious that as I matured and learned to embrace vulnerability, it actually helped me embody my naturally strong back and led me to embrace my wild heart. Allowing others to see me as vulnerable actually opened the door for trust and strong relationships to be built and sustained. I began to realize that people are able to reflect and see their own vulnerabilities in us when we reveal our own. As leaders and more importantly as humans, that provides the landscape to frame difficult conversations and build trust.
Many people, myself included, armor up early. We strengthen our backs while protecting our hearts. That armor becomes our defense mechanism, our protection from harm. Over time, however, the armor becomes heavy. It is difficult to maintain. The reality is, though, that human capacity for courage is not measured by the number of people we stand up to or tell off. It is not measured by the number of people who fear us. It is measured by our willingness to be strong AND vulnerable, to stand up for our beliefs but also lean into situations where vulnerability is revealed, when we cannot control the outcome. When we trust ourselves to walk into the unknown and let others see our vulnerability, that is when true courage can bloom.
Strong back. Soft front. Wild Heart. Dedication to this mantra isn’t easy. It requires a level of true self-reflection. When we commit ourselves to strengthen our backs while softening our front, it will help forge the pathway to embracing the wild side of our hearts without fear or shame. The pathway to true belonging.
Sara Delgado, PhD is an educator with experience as a classroom teacher and school administrator. Currently, she serves as the Director of Elementary Instruction for a public school district in Michigan and provides professional learning and coaching for teachers and principals with Edspire Leadership, LLC.